


Hurt

by Liquified_Organs



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 00:37:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20017384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liquified_Organs/pseuds/Liquified_Organs





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky ran from the lake and into the cabin, where Stark's helmet still sat on the table. The sight of it made him nauseous. He curled up on the floor and gasped for breath, grabbing the blanket from the sofa and clutching it desperately.

"Barnes?" Sam hurried to his side. "Barnes, can you hear me?"

Bucky nodded. Sam sighed in relief. "Drop the blanket, okay? You can hold my hand if you need to."

Bucky obeyed and quickly grabbed Sam's wrist, tucking it underneath his chin and curling around it. Sam pulled Bucky into a hug. "Is this about Steve?"

Bucky nodded and whimpered into Sam's shoulder. Sam hummed. "He's still alive, you know?"

"It doesn't matter, he said he wouldn't leave me." Bucky sobbed. "I needed him, Sam. He left me again, and for the same reason."

Sam squeezed his hand. "He's not the only person who cares about you, man. You have plenty of people who can help you."

Bucky shook his head. "No. He lied to me. He said he wouldn't leave me. Till the end of the line, Sam. He promised."

"Tell him. You're mad, and it doesn't help to keep that stuff internalized."

"Sam?" Steve pushed open the door and limped inside. He paled when he saw Bucky crying. "What's wrong?"

Bucky shook his head and tucked his face into Sam's shoulder.

Sam hugged him even tighter. "Leave him alone, Steve."

"What happened?"

"Get out of here, man!"

"He's my best friend, Sam. I'm going to talk to him!"

"You're making him feel worse! Besides, best friends don't do that to each other, especially not when one has been through as much for your sake!"

Steve's jaw dropped. "Bucky?"

"Leave me alone, Steve." Bucky stared at the floor.

Steve nodded and silently left. Sam patted Bucky's shoulder. "I'm sorry for doing that without your permission. Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Bucky whispered. "Thank you."

"No problem." Sam helped Bucky stand. "You know, Captain America is gonna be kind of lonely flying around by himself." Sam eyed the shield that sat on the couch. "Do you... Would you be okay showing me the ropes? Maybe giving me tips on using the shield?"

"You'd trust me with the shield?" Bucky stared up at Sam in awe. "Yeah, of course I'll help."

\---

"Is he still angry at me?"

"He wasn't angry at you. He was angry at himself. What you did made him think he wasn't enough for you. He was doing so well before you left, only for you to dump that on him. Having said all that, I think I'm angrier at you than he is."

"If he isn't angry-"

"Why hasn't he come and seen you? Probably because he thinks you hate him now."

Steve pursed his lips. "I can't change what I did."

"And I doubt you would, even if you were able to." Sam sat back, arms folded against his chest. "You know where he's staying. You're going to apologize. Don't let your mistake become his burden."


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky was finishing lunch when his doorbell rang.

"Steve?" Bucky stared at the old man leaning on his cane.

Steve looked up nervously. "Hi, Buck. Can I come in?"

\---

"I'm not angry at you, you know."

Bucky snorted. "You've been talking to Sam."

"You weren't talking to me. Where was I supposed to go?"

"Your girlfriend- sorry, I'm mean your niece. What was seeing her like? That must have been fun."

"Sam said you weren't angry at me."

"Sam was fucking _wrong."_ Bucky crushed his glass into dust. "You lied to me, Steve. You lied to me to get what you wanted, then you left me when it was convenient for you. I thought it was my fault. I hated myself for weeks. When you didn't try and see me. My self-esteem and mental stability plummeted. Sam has been a better friend, and he tried to fucking _shoot_ me. So yeah, I'm angry at you." Bucky stood. "And do you want to know what the worst part is?"

Steve opened his mouth, then closed it. This was the angriest he'd ever seen Bucky.

"The worst part was that even with all of that, you would do it again if given the choice."

"Bucky-"

"Get out of my house." Bucky gave him the coldest look he'd ever received.  
Steve nodded and left without a word.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm sorry I tried to kill you."

Sharon popped a grape into her mouth. "No biggie. You were brainwashed, so."

Bucky smiled and dipped an apple slice into the caramel. "Are you still working for Ross?"

"Mhm. He's gotten better, though. I think he seemed like an asshole because you guys just kind of assumed anyone not on your side was a bad guy."

"I didn't assume anything. I just wanted to be left alone." Bucky twisted a piece of grass between his metal fingers.

Sharon nodded sympathetically. "I'm sorry about Steve."

Bucky frowned. "He's not even dead yet."

"But he left you. If it makes you feel better, I'm angry at him too. Aunt Peggy was married before he went back for her. Or she was going to have a husband. But he messed it up."

"Did Wanda really stop talking to him?"

"Yeah. She said that the people that sacrificed themselves didn't do it so he could take away Peggy's chances of living her own life."

"How's Clint doing?"

"He's still mourning. I think we all are."


	4. Chapter 4

_"And to James Barnes, I give my dog tags, so no matter where he is, whatever he's doing, he'll know that I'm with him. I'm sorry, Buck. I wish I could change what happened."_

Bucky held the fragile chain in his palm. He had thought, had hoped, that Steve being stronger meant that Bucky would never have to see his friend being buried. Now he had to watch Steve being lowered into a grave that had been reserved for him since 1933. It would have been too small for him a year ago, but now he fit perfectly into the grave next to his mother.

After everyone left, Bucky knelt by Steve's gravestone. "I'm sorry I couldn't forgive you. I had just hoped that after all this time..." he blinked, and a tear slipped down his cheek. "I thought maybe I'd be enough to make you want to stay. I hope you're happy, up there with Peggy and your parents. Thank you for saving me." Bucky looked at the empty space next to Steve's grave, at the plot of land he'd reserved for himself after he was drafted. "I'll see you again," he promised.


End file.
